Proverbs 15:12

Proverbs 15:12 "A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise."

Solomon had a lot to say about scorners.  No other Biblical author addressed scorners nearly as much as Solomon.  We don’t know of any particular experience he had with scorners but we trust that his emphasis on the matter was by Divine Design.  It was Solomon's objective for his son and God's desire for His children that scorners be identified and understood.  Scorners make a lot of noise and for that reason, they have a lot of influence.  Scorners are haters; extreme haters.  A scorner is someone who has an extreme amount of disdain for something or someone.  A scorner is known for his hatred by his or her words, with what is calling scorning.  Extreme hatred can't stay cooped up in the heart.  It can't remain silent.  A scorner is exposed as a hateful person by his or her hateful speech.  

The hatred of the scorner is derived from pride.  By Webster's definition, scorn is extreme contempt; that disdain which springs from a person's opinion of the unworthiness of an object, and a belief of his own superiority.  Scorn is born out of and sustained by pride.  A scorner spews out hatred for something or someone that he thinks is beneath him or that is despicable.  This is why Solomon wrote that a scorner “will not go unto the wise.”  He already has all of the answers and anyone who disagrees with him will be met with extreme contempt.

Solomon repeated warnings about scorners as well as expounded on their personality so much in his proverbs because ambitious people who mean well often lack the sense to leave them be.  He wanted his audience to know that you can't have a meaningful conversation with a scorner.  For that reason, it’s incredibly difficult to have a meaningful relationship with a scorner.  Proud people who entertain deep disdain in their hearts for people and ideas that they deem despicable are nearly impossible to get along with.  This level of hatred makes them intolerable and insufferable.  They have so much hatred for someone or something that there is no room for discussion or reconsideration.  According to the rest of the proverbs, the only thing you can do with a scorner is punish them or remove them.  Generally-speaking, there is little hope for a scorner.

While this proverb seems so depressing, it is meant to bring light to the person living around or even living with a scorner.  Solomon wanted his readers to better know their audience.  Any public speaker knows that he or she needs to read the room and accurately know their audience if they're going to make an impact on them.  If you're talking to a class of kindergarteners, you have to know that your audience has a very short attention span and an even shorter vocabulary bank.  If you're speaking to a room full of widows and widowers, you need to know that your audience has a sensitive perspective shaped by grief.  If you're talking to a church full of committed Christians, you should know that your audience will not tolerate or respond well to dirty jokes.  This proverb is meant to help us know our audience if it includes a scorner or two.

Sadly, some husbands find themselves years into marriage in a predicament when waking up to a scorner. Unfortunately, some wives eventually come to the conclusion that they're sharing life with a man who hates someone, something or even her as a result of thinking too highly of himself.  Tragically, there are parents who realize at some devastating point in their child's later adolescent or early young adult years that they raised a scorner.  Most of us have worked with a scorner.  Others of us have had friends or extended family members who became scorners.  In all of these situations, scorners make life miserable, especially if there is any attempt on anyone's part to address their hate-based behavior.  This proverb was written to help make the wise wiser; to help the wise know their audience.

Without this and other proverbs dealing with the scorner, we would otherwise feel guilty for not trying to correct the behavior of the scorner we care about.  Without the wise words of this proverb, we would otherwise feel bad letting a scorner scorn.  Ambition in the relational spouse, parent or friend can prompt a love-based reproof for the scorner that they care about.  It seems like the appropriate thing to do.  In some cases, it seems like the responsible thing to do.  Yet, this Scripture teaches with clarity that any efforts to correct or repair the hateful scorner will never produce the love we long for.  If it's love you want from a scorner, you'll never get it by confronting them.  If it's a better relationship you seek with a scorner, you'll never cultivate it by reproving them. We don't have to like this truth but if we want to keep the peace with a scorner, we have to know our audience and accept the fact that they'll never respond well to reproof.

You might be asking, why would I want to keep the peace with a person who entertains such disdain in their heart for things or people?  Why would I want a relationship with a person who thinks so highly of themselves that they would think so hatefully of others?  Why would I want anything to work with them now or down the road?  Usually, you wouldn't.  Scorners are the most unattractive people in the world.  They're an “abomination to men” according to Proverbs 24:9.  So, who cares about being loved by a scorner and who would want anything to do with one?  A man or woman married to one.  A father or mother who has one for a child.  A son or daughter who was raised by one.  A brother or sister who grew up in the same home with one.  A Christian who goes to church with one.  A friend who has decades of memories invested in one.  Scorners aren't born as such.  Scorners aren't born in the womb - they're born by some hurt or by some gradually learned false ideology.  An insecure person becomes a scorner after feeling disregarded.  A proud person becomes a scorner after getting rejected.  A selfish person becomes a scorner after being ignored.  An angry person becomes a scorner after being embarrassed by someone.  

We don't birth scorners, but we do find ourselves parenting scorners.  We don't typically marry scorners, but we do find ourselves sleeping next to scorners.  We don't befriend scorners, but we do find ourselves trying maintain a friendship with scorners.  We don't choose a church based on the absence of scorners, but we do find ourselves sharing the lobby with scorners.  In these cases, how are we to manage these fragile and complicated relationships?  In these delicate and sad cases, we are to take proverbs like this into constant consideration.  If our intent is to live peaceably with scorners we love, as is the counsel of Romans 12:18, we must know that reproving them will never be received well and that it will never produce any kind of love.  Even though a scorner needs serious correction and even though you feel obligated to confront them, you must know your audience.  For scorners of age and in relationship with you, let them be and let them be wrong, as hard as that may be to do.  When that close to a scorner, you must know that nothing you can say will help them and anything confrontational that you do say will hurt your already-strained relationship with them.

We don't have to like that or think that fair but we do have to accept that.  It is God's word on the matter and that makes it truth.  God is not condoning a scorner’s behavior at all – He is just informing us of their behavior so we know how to deal with them.  We have to know our audience, especially when it is a scorner.  If your spouse, child, sibling, parent, friend, co-worker or fellow church member is a scorner, we have to approach any conversation with them as wisely we would a tree or a cat or a football game on tv.  We can and do talk to our pets but we do so knowing that particular audience.  We KNOW that our pet is NEVER going to respond well to screaming at them.  We KNOW that our maple tree is NEVER going to answer any of our questions.  We KNOW that suggesting the professional football team go for it on 4th & 1 is USELESS since they can't and wouldn't hear us.  We need to KNOW our scorning spouse or child or friend just as well.  We need to KNOW that our scorning co-worker or scorning sibling will NEVER respond with love for ANY reproof or correction we offer, no matter our pure our motive or gentle our approach.  It is written, "A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him."

If you're not looking for love from a scorner, then feel free to reprove him.  If you're not holding out for a restored relationship with a scorner, then go ahead and rebuke her.  If you have no interest in any peace with a scorner, have at it with reproofs.  There are cases where scorners should be confronted.  There are scenarios where scorners should be punished for the sake of those watching and impacted by them, as taught in Proverbs 19:25 and 21:11. That being said, if you're locked into a relationship with a scorner, you'll need the wisdom of Solomon and this proverb helps you have it.  If you ever find yourself in love with a scorner because of a past or present relationship, leave the reproving to the Lord and desperately pray for the mercy of God in their life on a daily basis.  If you're in a relationship with a scorner, they won't be the exception to this Biblical truth - know your audience.