Proverbs 15:20

Proverbs 15:20, "A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother."

While the Book of Proverbs addresses a very wide array of topics, there are a few topics that it addresses more than others.  The relationship between child and parent is one of those topics.  Clearly, Solomon believed that the child-parent relationship is critical to a person's success.  Throughout this insightful book, Solomon often urged his son to honor, obey and cherish both of his parents.  That counsel was not motivated by some self-serving parental demand but instead, by a wise observation that a child's view of his parents has a profoundly permanent effect on that child's future.

To appreciate Solomon's wisdom in the child-parent relationship, one must note the important link in this proverb between a child's affections and his intentions.  By contrasting a wise son's relationship with his father and a foolish son's relationship with his mother, Solomon is teaching us an important truth.  How we feel about our parents, as parents, will determine our response to our parents.  Our level of affection for our parents, as parents, will determine our level of interest in our parents' approval.  Simply put, if a son values his mother as a parent, that son will seek his mother's pleasure.  If a daughter values her father as a father, that daughter will aim to make her father happy.  While the relationship between a child's parental affection and moral actions may seem obvious, Solomon is teaching us that our view of parents both reveals our character and determines our future.

For parents, this proverb instructs us to teach our children to honor the position of a parent in a child's life.  If a son is willing to despise his father, he lacks wisdom.  If he lacks this particular wisdom as a son, he will surely fail as a man.  If a daughter is willing to disrespect or disregard her mother, she lacks wisdom.  If she lacks this kind of wisdom as a daughter, she will most definitely fail as a woman.  Of all the adults in the world, a child really only gets one primary father, whether biologically or legally.   Of all of the millions of women in the world, a child generally only gets one primary mother as well.  For these basic reasons, these two adults are special to the child and should be seen as such.  They carry the burden of providing, protecting and caring for their children.  It is heavy duty responsibility that leaves little room for error.  While a parent can certainly lose respect, he or she shouldn't have to earn it in a child's heart.  Parents should be honored for being parents and that should taught unapologetically.  It is so important in Scripture that God made it one of the ten primary pillars of Jewish society.  A child should be taught that entertaining disrespectful, angry and hateful feelings towards a parent is unhealthy and dangerous.  A child should be taught that any willingness to despise a parent is foolish.

Parents make mistakes and can easily "provoke their children to wrath," which is why Paul instructed the Ephesians fathers not to do that (Eph. 6:4).  Parents need to help their children not despise them by parenting with godliness and love while also humbly acknowledging any wrongdoing.  Parents need to help their sons and daughters not despise them by having a great relationship with their children and also by teaching them how dangerous and foolish it is to entertain hatred for the one father or mother they get in life.  If a son is willing to hate his mother, he will hate any woman in the world for no other woman possesses such a natural and historical bond.  If a daughter is willing to hate her father, she will hate any man in the world since no other man offers the potential unconditional love of a father.  No matter how old or young the child, a despising eye towards either parent is an alarming sign of foolishness.  A willingness to disregard the uniquely sacred relationship of the one father or mother that child gets in life reveals a lack of appreciation for a parent's position as well as for God's word.  A willingness to hate the person or persons that gave them life suggests that they would be willing and able to hate the Creator Who created their life.  Furthermore, it suggests that they would willing and able to hate their spouses who didn't give them life.  Anyone entertaining extreme dislike for a father or mother is highly likely to entertain the same unhealthy feelings towards many other people in their lives.  Any child of any age who doesn't realize this truth is the possessor of foolishness.

On the contrary (as usual in Solomon's proverbs), the son or daughter who refuses hatred in their heart for either parent will make it their aim to "make" their parent "glad," or as we would say in our culture, "make them proud."  Solomon is not suggesting that wisdom in a son alone causes a father to be glad.  It is not the virtue in the son that makes the father glad - it is the virtue in the son that leads the son to "make" his father glad.  The son is responsible for the "making," not the wisdom.  A wise son intentionally sets out to put a smile on his father's face.  A wise daughter intentionally seems to put a smile on her mother's face.  Wisdom in a child of any age instructs him to value his parents above all other fathers or mothers.  Wisdom highlights the unique gift and bond a parent gives to his or her child.  Wisdom enlightens a child as he grows about the burden and challenges a parent endures for the good of his or her child.  Wisdom in a son or daughter teaches them to refuse any hatred or bitterness in the heart for a parent, even a deeply flawed parent.  Where a parent is especially flawed, wisdom tells a child to honor that parent, not for his or her performance but for his or her position.  The wise son or daughter goes through life recognizing that some people deserve respect, mercy and service just because of their position in society.

How we view our parents and how we feel about our parents is very telling when it comes to wisdom and foolishness. Foolishness in a child can be detected quite early and quite easily just by looking at that child's feelings towards his parent at any given time for any given reason.  As parents, let us give our children wisdom by selflessly but confidently teaching them to honor their parents.  As children, let us be wise and refuse any hatred in our hearts for our parents.  When it comes to our parents, we can and often will entertain feelings of hurt, disappointment and sorrow but we must never entertain feelings of hatred.  We must learn to resist hatred in our hearts for all people but if we can't learn it with our parents, we will never learn it with those who don't provide a unique bond by birth.  Anyone who doesn't realize this lacks wisdom and is destined for severe disappointment in life.