Proverbs 13:20 "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."
It would be easy to read this proverb and quickly conclude that Solomon is addressing our friend selection or that he is instructing us to be aware of who we hang out with. But is he? Indeed, he is connecting wise friends with future blessings and foolish companions with imminent danger but is this proverb addressing peer selection? Is this truthful gem suggesting that if we're surrounded by wise people that we'll become wise? Is Solomon's speech implying that we're doomed if we work with a bunch of fools every day on the job site? I think not. This proverb is much less about peers and the people around us and much more about the character within us and the companions that our character chooses for us.
When connecting each half of the proverb to each other, we can conclude that the Bible defines our companions as those people we choose to walk through life with. More importantly, when connecting this proverb to the words of God in Amos 3:3, our companions are those we agree with. The prophet wrote, "Can two WALK together, except they be AGREED?" To become wise, you have to agree with the wise. To be destroyed, you have to be a companion of a fool. In either scenario, there is a point and time when you agree with the people you’ve chosen to walk with.
Merely hanging out with the wise doesn't make anyone wise. If it did, children of wise parents would become wise. It is not at all uncommon for foolish souls to come out of wise homes. Wisdom doesn't enter a person's heart unwillingly. Wisdom doesn't conquer a person's unwilling mind. Wisdom goes only where it is wanted and resides only where it is welcomed. A child can be subjected to wise counsel for its entire childhood but if that child doesn't AGREE with that counsel, it can be just as foolish as anyone. A counselee can go to session after session with a wise counselor but never become any wiser if that counselee doesn't AGREE with that wise counselor. But here is the thing - people rarely keep going for counsel from someone they don't AGREE with. Children rarely goes back to hear a parent's advice that they don't AGREE with. Christians rarely keep attending a church with a pastor who they don't AGREE with. We rarely hang out with friends that we don't AGREE with. We choose our COMPANIONS in life based on who we most AGREE with. If we agree with wise people, we'll be wiser for it. If we agree with wise parents, we'll spend more time with them and as a natural result, have more conversations that will bring us more wisdom. If we agree with wise counselors, we'll seek more counsel and become wiser for it. If we agree with wise pastors and teachers, we'll listen to more instruction and welcome more wisdom in our lives. If we agree with wise friends, we'll spend more time together and be exposed to more wisdom.
Our character ultimately chooses our companions. If we seek wisdom, we'll be inclined to find wise friends. If we want true answers to life's greatest questions, we'll look for friends who are either pursuing the same answers or for friends who seem to have those answers. Good kids don't choose bad friends. Bad kids don't choose good friends. Birds of like-feathers flock together. Bad kids choose bad friends. Good kids choose good friends. Bad girls choose bad boys. If a girl appears sweet and innocent but chooses to get romantically involved with a "bad boy," there was something "bad" in her that wanted that experience or relationship. If an apparent "upstanding" man ends up with an "evil woman," there was something in him that wanted that experience and relationship. We walk with the people we walk with because we AGREE with them. We run with the friends we run with because somewhere and in some way, we AGREE with them. There are cases where seductive women overcome weak men but they do so by finding something they agree on. There are many scenarios where deceitful men trick naive women into being with them but they do so by finding something they agree on.
Companions don't stay companions where there are many, if any disagreements. Marriages can't survive serious disagreements. Friendships can't sustain major disagreements and any matter pertaining to wisdom and foolishness are major moral matters. Abortion is a major moral matter which is why pro-life and pro-choice people don't form or maintain friendships. Couples where there is disagreement on spending with one wisely budgeting and the other foolishly overspending don't get along and often separate. Friendships can't sustain serious disagreements, which is why wise men can't sustain friendships with fools and foolish women can't sustain relationships with wise women. This proverb teaches us then that it is less about the character of the people we're subjected to in life and more about the character within us that determines our future. If we have foolish friends, we've chosen to AGREE with foolishness. If we have wise peers, we've chosen to AGREE with wisdom.
Herein lies the ultimate question of this proverb, "What are we willing to sacrifice for a relationship?" If we want to be in a relationship with an attractive but foolish person bad enough, we'll eventually have to AGREE with their foolishness. If we want to stay in a friendship with a popular but foolish person, we'll eventually have to AGREE with their foolishness. No matter how minor or insignificant their foolishness may seem, a companion of fools "SHALL be destroyed" either relationally, financially, mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually. If you AGREE with a wise person, you can maintain a relationship with them and if you do that, you "SHALL be wise." The agreement with the wise will cost you your pride because agreeing with the wise often means admitting you were wrong. The wise see beyond the majority vote and look beyond the shallow trends of the day. It can be humbling to agree with the wise but when you do, you'll find a lifelong companion that will make you wiser as you walk together.
Can two WALK together, except they be AGREED?
Who are you walking with? The answer to that question will reveal who you AGREE with and ultimately determine if you will get wiser in time or if you will be destroyed in time. Our character is what is responsible for choosing our companions and those people will have a profound impact on where we're heading in life.
When connecting each half of the proverb to each other, we can conclude that the Bible defines our companions as those people we choose to walk through life with. More importantly, when connecting this proverb to the words of God in Amos 3:3, our companions are those we agree with. The prophet wrote, "Can two WALK together, except they be AGREED?" To become wise, you have to agree with the wise. To be destroyed, you have to be a companion of a fool. In either scenario, there is a point and time when you agree with the people you’ve chosen to walk with.
Merely hanging out with the wise doesn't make anyone wise. If it did, children of wise parents would become wise. It is not at all uncommon for foolish souls to come out of wise homes. Wisdom doesn't enter a person's heart unwillingly. Wisdom doesn't conquer a person's unwilling mind. Wisdom goes only where it is wanted and resides only where it is welcomed. A child can be subjected to wise counsel for its entire childhood but if that child doesn't AGREE with that counsel, it can be just as foolish as anyone. A counselee can go to session after session with a wise counselor but never become any wiser if that counselee doesn't AGREE with that wise counselor. But here is the thing - people rarely keep going for counsel from someone they don't AGREE with. Children rarely goes back to hear a parent's advice that they don't AGREE with. Christians rarely keep attending a church with a pastor who they don't AGREE with. We rarely hang out with friends that we don't AGREE with. We choose our COMPANIONS in life based on who we most AGREE with. If we agree with wise people, we'll be wiser for it. If we agree with wise parents, we'll spend more time with them and as a natural result, have more conversations that will bring us more wisdom. If we agree with wise counselors, we'll seek more counsel and become wiser for it. If we agree with wise pastors and teachers, we'll listen to more instruction and welcome more wisdom in our lives. If we agree with wise friends, we'll spend more time together and be exposed to more wisdom.
Our character ultimately chooses our companions. If we seek wisdom, we'll be inclined to find wise friends. If we want true answers to life's greatest questions, we'll look for friends who are either pursuing the same answers or for friends who seem to have those answers. Good kids don't choose bad friends. Bad kids don't choose good friends. Birds of like-feathers flock together. Bad kids choose bad friends. Good kids choose good friends. Bad girls choose bad boys. If a girl appears sweet and innocent but chooses to get romantically involved with a "bad boy," there was something "bad" in her that wanted that experience or relationship. If an apparent "upstanding" man ends up with an "evil woman," there was something in him that wanted that experience and relationship. We walk with the people we walk with because we AGREE with them. We run with the friends we run with because somewhere and in some way, we AGREE with them. There are cases where seductive women overcome weak men but they do so by finding something they agree on. There are many scenarios where deceitful men trick naive women into being with them but they do so by finding something they agree on.
Companions don't stay companions where there are many, if any disagreements. Marriages can't survive serious disagreements. Friendships can't sustain major disagreements and any matter pertaining to wisdom and foolishness are major moral matters. Abortion is a major moral matter which is why pro-life and pro-choice people don't form or maintain friendships. Couples where there is disagreement on spending with one wisely budgeting and the other foolishly overspending don't get along and often separate. Friendships can't sustain serious disagreements, which is why wise men can't sustain friendships with fools and foolish women can't sustain relationships with wise women. This proverb teaches us then that it is less about the character of the people we're subjected to in life and more about the character within us that determines our future. If we have foolish friends, we've chosen to AGREE with foolishness. If we have wise peers, we've chosen to AGREE with wisdom.
Herein lies the ultimate question of this proverb, "What are we willing to sacrifice for a relationship?" If we want to be in a relationship with an attractive but foolish person bad enough, we'll eventually have to AGREE with their foolishness. If we want to stay in a friendship with a popular but foolish person, we'll eventually have to AGREE with their foolishness. No matter how minor or insignificant their foolishness may seem, a companion of fools "SHALL be destroyed" either relationally, financially, mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually. If you AGREE with a wise person, you can maintain a relationship with them and if you do that, you "SHALL be wise." The agreement with the wise will cost you your pride because agreeing with the wise often means admitting you were wrong. The wise see beyond the majority vote and look beyond the shallow trends of the day. It can be humbling to agree with the wise but when you do, you'll find a lifelong companion that will make you wiser as you walk together.
Can two WALK together, except they be AGREED?
Who are you walking with? The answer to that question will reveal who you AGREE with and ultimately determine if you will get wiser in time or if you will be destroyed in time. Our character is what is responsible for choosing our companions and those people will have a profound impact on where we're heading in life.
Posted in Proverbs Commentary
Posted in Solomon, wisdom, foolishness, Companions, friends, Friendship, marriage, Parenting, child, Agreement, finances, Abortion, Character, pride, Humility
Posted in Solomon, wisdom, foolishness, Companions, friends, Friendship, marriage, Parenting, child, Agreement, finances, Abortion, Character, pride, Humility
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