Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
This proverb is one of the most understood and most memorable proverbs in Solomon’s collection. The connection between our words and our relationships is most obvious. This proverb draws a thick line connecting what we say to how others feel. Our words possess such power. Without lifting a finger, we can provoke quite the response from people. Without ever moving a single limb, we can calm people down or work people up. Scientists and doctors spend decades trying to produce a pill that will manipulate a person’s mood and yet, we all possess the power within our tongues to easily steer a person’s mood. The emphasis of this proverb is not as much about what we speak as it is about how we speak. Without question, the particular words we speak are incredibly important but, in this proverb, it’s the particular manner in which we speak words that has such impact.
In the first part of the proverb, a particular type of response calms a person down while in the second part of the proverb, a particular type of word works a person up. We can stop anger in another person by speaking in a certain way and we can stir up anger in another person by speaking in a certain manner. We know that this proverb is emphasizing how we speak over what we speak because of the words, “soft” and “grievous.” These are powerfully descriptive words that were chosen very carefully by a man inspired by God’s Spirit and gifted with God’s Wisdom. A soft answer isn’t a compromised answer. A soft answer isn’t a shedding of truth or a denial of facts. A soft answer isn’t changing the topic to something more comfortable nor is it saying something false for the sake of making someone happy. Solomon is not suggesting that a parent tell an angry toddler that he doesn’t have to eat his vegetables in order to calm him down. He is not suggesting that a wife changes her story and denies the affair she just admitted to when her husband angrily responds. A soft answer is more than choosing carefully what to say; it’s choosing carefully how to say what is best to say.
By starting with a “soft answer” in the first part of the proverb, we’re given the information necessary to understand what “grievous words” are. They are the opposite of soft. They are hard but more specifically, sharp. Something that is “grievous” is unforgettable because it is painful. Grieving widows and widowers understand the piercing pain of instant loss. Grieving parents who have lost a child understand the piercing pain of the cruelty of life. When we grieve the loss of something or someone dear to us, we experience a pain that goes beyond the skin and the ego and into the depths of our souls. Grief isn’t a hammer that smashes our thumb. It’s not a rock that falls on our foot. It’s a long and sharp needle that sticks in the center of our soul impacting every part of our life. Something that is grievous is intensely painful. Something that is grievous impacts every bit of us, not just a part of us. When Sarah saw Ishmael mocking her son Isaac, she demanded of Abraham that he cast out Hagar and Ishmael. The Bible tells us that that was very “grievous” to Abraham, the father of Ishmael. When Moses described the plagues in Egypt, he described the swarms of flies, the disease in cattle, the hail and the locusts as all being “grievous.” He used that word because these plagues were intensely impactful. They didn’t just impact a little part of Egyptian life – they were overwhelming and all-consuming. The flies, the locusts, the hail and the disease each came in intensely and painfully. So too, grievous words come into the ears and hearts of people intensely, quickly and painfully.
Grievous words are not hurtful because they’re truthful nor are they painful because they’re untruthful. Grievous words can be either true or false words. They provoke anger in people because they’re the opposite of soft – they’re sharp and pointy. Grievous words are those words that are said intentionally to pierce the soul quickly and deeply. They stir up anger because they’re cold and cruel. They’re rough and harsh. No matter how true or sincere they may be, they’re hurtful. The way to calm an angry person is the same way to keep a calm person calm and that is to shape our words in soft and smooth fonts. The way to further agitate an angry person is the same way to make a calm person angry and that is to shape our words in bold and bitter fonts. Anyone who has any experience in graphic design knows the power of fonts, or the style of the letters and words used in that graphic design. Fonts communicate tone. They communicate as much as the actual words themselves. A word can become scary when you give it a creepy font. A word can become authoritative and loud when you give it a bold font. A word can become unthreatening when you give it a gentle font. A word can become elegant and historic when you give it a classy font. How we design our words matters as much as what words we choose.
Solomon, in his wisdom, is teaching us all that how we speak is as important as what we say. People respond more to the shape of our speech than to the choice of words. Responding to an accusation by saying, “That’s not true” can calm an angry person down entirely based on the font and punctuation. If, “That’s not true” is said with lower case letters, a simple unthreatening font and a period, it will calm an angry person down. On the contrary, if, “That’s not true” is said with upper case letters, a big bold font and fourteen exclamation points, it will stir up that much more anger in a person. Words absolutely matter but the font matters just as much. Our choice of words is important but our choice of font and punctuation is equally as important. Some choice of words are “grievous words” but some choice of words are only grievous because of HOW they were spoken.
People who disregard the power of font and punctuation often blame truth or insecurities in other people for their grievous words. Whether on paper, in text, on the phone or in person, sharp words hurt and that hurt provokes anger. Whether on paper, in text, on the phone or in person, soft words never hurt and that lack of pain often turns anger away. We don’t always remember comfortable things and comfortable times in our lives but we never forget painful things and painful times in our lives. We don’t forget painful surgeries, incidents or losses. Grief is so hard because we’ll never forget the pain of that intense loss. Grievous words are the ones we hear that we never forget, which is why they stir up such anger. Whatever you speak, whenever you speak, to whomever you speak, speak softly. We speak softly when we speak lovingly. Ephesians 4:15, “But speaking the truth in love…”
In the first part of the proverb, a particular type of response calms a person down while in the second part of the proverb, a particular type of word works a person up. We can stop anger in another person by speaking in a certain way and we can stir up anger in another person by speaking in a certain manner. We know that this proverb is emphasizing how we speak over what we speak because of the words, “soft” and “grievous.” These are powerfully descriptive words that were chosen very carefully by a man inspired by God’s Spirit and gifted with God’s Wisdom. A soft answer isn’t a compromised answer. A soft answer isn’t a shedding of truth or a denial of facts. A soft answer isn’t changing the topic to something more comfortable nor is it saying something false for the sake of making someone happy. Solomon is not suggesting that a parent tell an angry toddler that he doesn’t have to eat his vegetables in order to calm him down. He is not suggesting that a wife changes her story and denies the affair she just admitted to when her husband angrily responds. A soft answer is more than choosing carefully what to say; it’s choosing carefully how to say what is best to say.
By starting with a “soft answer” in the first part of the proverb, we’re given the information necessary to understand what “grievous words” are. They are the opposite of soft. They are hard but more specifically, sharp. Something that is “grievous” is unforgettable because it is painful. Grieving widows and widowers understand the piercing pain of instant loss. Grieving parents who have lost a child understand the piercing pain of the cruelty of life. When we grieve the loss of something or someone dear to us, we experience a pain that goes beyond the skin and the ego and into the depths of our souls. Grief isn’t a hammer that smashes our thumb. It’s not a rock that falls on our foot. It’s a long and sharp needle that sticks in the center of our soul impacting every part of our life. Something that is grievous is intensely painful. Something that is grievous impacts every bit of us, not just a part of us. When Sarah saw Ishmael mocking her son Isaac, she demanded of Abraham that he cast out Hagar and Ishmael. The Bible tells us that that was very “grievous” to Abraham, the father of Ishmael. When Moses described the plagues in Egypt, he described the swarms of flies, the disease in cattle, the hail and the locusts as all being “grievous.” He used that word because these plagues were intensely impactful. They didn’t just impact a little part of Egyptian life – they were overwhelming and all-consuming. The flies, the locusts, the hail and the disease each came in intensely and painfully. So too, grievous words come into the ears and hearts of people intensely, quickly and painfully.
Grievous words are not hurtful because they’re truthful nor are they painful because they’re untruthful. Grievous words can be either true or false words. They provoke anger in people because they’re the opposite of soft – they’re sharp and pointy. Grievous words are those words that are said intentionally to pierce the soul quickly and deeply. They stir up anger because they’re cold and cruel. They’re rough and harsh. No matter how true or sincere they may be, they’re hurtful. The way to calm an angry person is the same way to keep a calm person calm and that is to shape our words in soft and smooth fonts. The way to further agitate an angry person is the same way to make a calm person angry and that is to shape our words in bold and bitter fonts. Anyone who has any experience in graphic design knows the power of fonts, or the style of the letters and words used in that graphic design. Fonts communicate tone. They communicate as much as the actual words themselves. A word can become scary when you give it a creepy font. A word can become authoritative and loud when you give it a bold font. A word can become unthreatening when you give it a gentle font. A word can become elegant and historic when you give it a classy font. How we design our words matters as much as what words we choose.
Solomon, in his wisdom, is teaching us all that how we speak is as important as what we say. People respond more to the shape of our speech than to the choice of words. Responding to an accusation by saying, “That’s not true” can calm an angry person down entirely based on the font and punctuation. If, “That’s not true” is said with lower case letters, a simple unthreatening font and a period, it will calm an angry person down. On the contrary, if, “That’s not true” is said with upper case letters, a big bold font and fourteen exclamation points, it will stir up that much more anger in a person. Words absolutely matter but the font matters just as much. Our choice of words is important but our choice of font and punctuation is equally as important. Some choice of words are “grievous words” but some choice of words are only grievous because of HOW they were spoken.
People who disregard the power of font and punctuation often blame truth or insecurities in other people for their grievous words. Whether on paper, in text, on the phone or in person, sharp words hurt and that hurt provokes anger. Whether on paper, in text, on the phone or in person, soft words never hurt and that lack of pain often turns anger away. We don’t always remember comfortable things and comfortable times in our lives but we never forget painful things and painful times in our lives. We don’t forget painful surgeries, incidents or losses. Grief is so hard because we’ll never forget the pain of that intense loss. Grievous words are the ones we hear that we never forget, which is why they stir up such anger. Whatever you speak, whenever you speak, to whomever you speak, speak softly. We speak softly when we speak lovingly. Ephesians 4:15, “But speaking the truth in love…”
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