Proverbs 14:10

Proverbs 14:10 "The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy."

Solomon's proverbs are unique for many reasons but one of those reasons is that they don't always come with direct instruction.  Many, if not most of them are insightful statements that are meant to get the reader thinking and from that deep thought, draw meaningful personal application.  This approach in itself is incredibly wise because it gives the reader personal conviction.  For most people, doing something good that you're told to do is harder to sustain than doing something you feel personally convicted about.  For example, reading the Bible because your parent or pastor tells you to is not nearly as sustainable as reading the Bible because you've personally come to the conclusion that it's necessary for Christian success.  Because of the wisdom God gave him, Solomon wrote what he wrote to provoke personal conclusions, applications and ultimately, convictions so that there would be sustained virtue in the lives of his audience.

Parents especially, would do well to employ this same wise approach in raising children.  If we tell our children what to do all the time, they'll likely stop doing some or all of what we tell them to do as they grow into adulthood due to a lack of personal conviction.  At some point, and the sooner the better, we need to share spiritual and relational insight with our children without telling them exactly what to do with it.  We need to share wise observations about life that they can then take and make personal application on their own.  Without deep personal conviction that was developed from within after learning truths about God and life, spiritual success is largely unsustainable.
 
This proverb is a good example of sharing a simple but wise observation about something important with the intent of provoking individual thought that ultimately would lead to individual conviction.  Solomon didn't tell his readers to do or not to do anything.  He didn't provide direct instruction about anything.  That being said, he wasn't just filling space with little sayings nor was he writing just for the sake of being read.  He made a thought-provoking observation with the hopes that individuals in the audience would "get it" and in the process, take ownership in the matter since they "got it."  This proverb is a mental and spiritual carrot to get the reader across the line of personal application and conviction.

The truth of the proverb is quite simple but because it's rarely talked about or pointed out at all, it's rather thought-provoking.  Only we know our deepest struggles.  Only we know what or who we're bitter towards.  Only we know the worst of ourselves.  Only we know how badly we dislike or disdain someone.  Only we know how much of a grudge we're holding against someone.  Only we really know how unforgiving we are towards a particular person.  People can speculate and suspect bitterness in us but only our heart knows it.  People can sense our resentment but only we really know what is within us.  Even those closest to us don't and can't ever truly know what is going on within our heart.  Loved ones, counselors and pastors can have a good idea of our bitterness but they'll never fully know what only we know about ourselves.

On the other side of the same coin, strangers would have no idea what brings our heart joy.  The server at the restaurant wouldn't have a clue what item on the menu is our favorite.  The receptionist at the specialist's office wouldn't know what brings us happiness.  The new coworker would have no idea what type of music we prefer or what kind of humor we appreciate.  Someone who doesn't know you typically doesn't try to bring joy into your life.  A stranger typically doesn't buy an ice cream cone for you and give it believing that you find great joy in rocky road ice cream.  A stranger doesn't walk up and start singing to you believing that you love to be sung to.  A stranger doesn't know what brings us joy and so, he doesn't try to bring us joy in any particular way.  People close to us try to bring us joy as they get to know us because we make it pretty clear what brings us joy by the smile on our face, the tone of our voice and the words of our mouth.
 
Solomon's observation about the human heart is this: the worst part of our heart is as hidden to those closest to us as is the best part of our heart to those farthest from us.  As much as a stranger doesn't try to bring a smile to our face because he doesn't know exactly what we enjoy, so too a close friend doesn't try to extract bitterness from our heart because he doesn't know exactly what or who we hate.  We are masters at hiding our bitterness.  We may complain about a person but we never reveal what is really in our heart because it would sound too horrific.  We may voice concerns about a person's performance but we reserve our true feelings lest someone discover how awful we really are.  We express "concerns" and share "prayer requests" about people but we would never admit to being bitter or hateful.  We share enough in our words and reveal enough with our countenance, but only we know how badly bitter our hearts are towards others.  For that reason, people close to us no more help us with our bitterness than strangers with our joy.  

What a great observation!  What an insightful statement!  What a sobering truth!  If we get it, we should naturally make personal application.  If we acknowledge what anyone rarely talks about, we should naturally initiate personal reflection.  If we connect the spiritual dots, we should experience some personal conviction that can bring us sustainable virtue.  Again, this proverb isn't telling us what to do - it is just telling stating the facts about us.  In honor of Solomon's wise approach, let us ask ourselves the following questions and draw our own personal conclusions and convictions...

Am I hiding bitterness in my heart?
Am I giving my spouse the impression that everything is fine when it's not?
Am I concealing hatred for a brother or sister in my heart?
Am I putting on a front at church just so no one will discover the bitterness I'm harboring?
Am I talking about someone in such a way to make people think I'm really concerned for them when in reality, I can't stand them?
Have I made it a habit of disguising inner bitterness with outer kindness?
Have I grown bitter with someone but have determined to never admit it or confess it?
Am I intentionally behaving in a manner that will keep those closest to me from meddling with my bitterness?

Make this proverb yours and it will provide sustainable virtue and spiritual success