Proverbs 13:10 "Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom."
For the aspiring counselor or peacemaker, this proverb is a must! This proverb exposes the deepest problem in any relational conflict. It reveals the source of every conflict between any two or more people. It also reveals what is at the heart of every contention between a man and his Maker. ONLY means only. ONLY pride causes contention between a husband and wife. ONLY pride causes contention between a brother and a sister. ONLY pride causes contention between classmates or teammates. ONLY pride causes contentions between neighbors or coworkers. ONLY pride causes contentions between political parties or military powers. When God moves someone to write, “only,†ONLY means only.
Bible commentators and marital couples alike want to speak for Solomon and suggest that he wasn’t speaking about pride exclusively in this proverb. Instead, they suggest, he was blaming pride for MOST of the contentions in our world. If that’s what God wanted Solomon to say, He would’ve inspired him to write, “MOSTLY by pride cometh contention.†ONLY means only. There are many manifestations of pride and there are many offspring of pride but know that contention comes “ONLY by pride.†Parents, counselors, and peacemakers do themselves well to accept and embrace this truth as it helps us get to the heart of any relational contention quickly. Parents, if your children fight, one or both of your children are manifesting pride. If your children fight with you, your children or you or both of you are manifesting pride. Peacemaker, if your friends are fighting, one or both of them are manifesting pride. Counselor, if the couple before you are fighting, one or both of them are manifesting pride. We too easily get fooled into thinking our children are just tired when in full reality, they’re proud. We too easily get fooled into thinking there was just a misunderstanding in a friendship when in full reality, someone was proud. We too easily get fooled into thinking spousal neglect is behind marital contention when in full reality, someone was proud.
ONLY means only. Indeed, misunderstandings stir heated debate. It is true that exhaustion can contribute to a combative spirit. Without question, spousal neglect can be a reason for a nasty fight. There are dozens and dozens of reasons why two people argue and fight but look below the surface of the contention and you’ll see the so-called reason is rooted in pride. There are plenty of reasons parties and nations go to war but look beyond the event or dogma and you’ll discover pride. Take our nation for example as it, like every other nation in the world, has opposing views and constant political conflict. This conflict exists because someone is wrong and they don’t want to admit it. That is called pride. In any war, one or both sides initiates war because of something that is rooted in pride. When a nation invades a neighboring country to take something it thinks it deserves, pride is the root of that conflict. When a nation contends with another nation for resources, those nations feel more entitled that the other which is the very definition of pride.
ONLY means only. When a wife takes jabs at her husband or gives him the silent treatment for neglecting her, she is demonstrating pride by thinking her pain justifies causing him pain. That doesn’t mean that a wife shouldn’t feel sorrow or even pain when truly neglected by her husband; it does mean, however, that a wife who feels justified to cause her husband pain when she is in pain is the refusal to accept poor treatment because of the belief that she is too important to be treated that way. That is pride. How then is a woman to address her sorrow when truly neglected by her husband? Graciously, kindly and respectfully without contention. That can only be done without the presence of pride. The moment a man fights with his wife, pride is present. The husband who responds contentiously to an unkind or disrespectful wife is refusing to be treated poorly, which is the result of a belief that he is above that. Deep down in every relationship conflict is someone genuinely believing they are more important than the other person and that can ONLY be defined as PRIDE. Pride to be blamed even in a strained relationship where heated exchange of words isn’t present. The man or woman who won’t sit down at the table to honestly and humbly work it out is displaying pride by concluding the other person isn’t worthy their vulnerability. What are we when we won’t be vulnerable with and to another person but proud?
ONLY means only. When we contend with God, it’s because we’re proud and won’t submit to Him. When He contends with us, it’s because we’re proud and won’t submit to Him. When family members contend over an estate, greed is only the secondary cause – pride, or the belief that “I am more important than my brother or sister,†is the sin that fuels greed. Behind every contention in any relationship among men, someone thinks they are more important than another and that is none other than the grievous sin of pride. ONLY means only.
As bold and important as the first part of this proverb is, the second part can’t be overlooked or unattached. Just as pride brings contention, being “well-advised†brings wisdom. The two parts of the proverb are not unrelated in any way. Just as the specific wording in the first part of the proverb matters, so does the specific wording in the second part. Solomon did not write, “but with the advised is wisdom.†Anyone can be “advised†and that includes the proud. Proud people have no problem getting advice, especially when they can control who they get it from. Proud people refuse to change their position so they’ll go to sources they know will confirm and affirm their position. Proud people refuse to change their position so they’ll go to advisors that will reinforce their position with selective data and skewed lines of thinking. To be “well advised†is to get advice from people that know more than you. To be “well advised†is to listen to a “multitude of counselors.†To be “well advised†is to listen to both sides of any given position and to accept the truth wherever it lands. To be “well advised†requires humility. To listen to those who know more than you know and to those who know more than you know about the opposing argument requires humility. Humility brings wisdom and wisdom knows how to manage delicate relationship challenges.
This proverb exposes the ONLY cause behind contention and then reveals the ONLY path to avoiding contention. ONLY by pride cometh contention and ONLY by humility comes the wisdom necessary to avoid contention. If you have all of the answers, you’ll never be “well-advised†and if you’ll never be “well-advised,†you’ll never be wise and if you’ll never be wise, you’ll never be at peace with God. If you refuse to humble yourself and think more highly of others than of yourself, you’ll never be “well-advised†and if you’ll never be “well-advised,†you’ll never be wise and if you’ll never be wise, you’ll never be at peace with people. ONLY means only.
Bible commentators and marital couples alike want to speak for Solomon and suggest that he wasn’t speaking about pride exclusively in this proverb. Instead, they suggest, he was blaming pride for MOST of the contentions in our world. If that’s what God wanted Solomon to say, He would’ve inspired him to write, “MOSTLY by pride cometh contention.†ONLY means only. There are many manifestations of pride and there are many offspring of pride but know that contention comes “ONLY by pride.†Parents, counselors, and peacemakers do themselves well to accept and embrace this truth as it helps us get to the heart of any relational contention quickly. Parents, if your children fight, one or both of your children are manifesting pride. If your children fight with you, your children or you or both of you are manifesting pride. Peacemaker, if your friends are fighting, one or both of them are manifesting pride. Counselor, if the couple before you are fighting, one or both of them are manifesting pride. We too easily get fooled into thinking our children are just tired when in full reality, they’re proud. We too easily get fooled into thinking there was just a misunderstanding in a friendship when in full reality, someone was proud. We too easily get fooled into thinking spousal neglect is behind marital contention when in full reality, someone was proud.
ONLY means only. Indeed, misunderstandings stir heated debate. It is true that exhaustion can contribute to a combative spirit. Without question, spousal neglect can be a reason for a nasty fight. There are dozens and dozens of reasons why two people argue and fight but look below the surface of the contention and you’ll see the so-called reason is rooted in pride. There are plenty of reasons parties and nations go to war but look beyond the event or dogma and you’ll discover pride. Take our nation for example as it, like every other nation in the world, has opposing views and constant political conflict. This conflict exists because someone is wrong and they don’t want to admit it. That is called pride. In any war, one or both sides initiates war because of something that is rooted in pride. When a nation invades a neighboring country to take something it thinks it deserves, pride is the root of that conflict. When a nation contends with another nation for resources, those nations feel more entitled that the other which is the very definition of pride.
ONLY means only. When a wife takes jabs at her husband or gives him the silent treatment for neglecting her, she is demonstrating pride by thinking her pain justifies causing him pain. That doesn’t mean that a wife shouldn’t feel sorrow or even pain when truly neglected by her husband; it does mean, however, that a wife who feels justified to cause her husband pain when she is in pain is the refusal to accept poor treatment because of the belief that she is too important to be treated that way. That is pride. How then is a woman to address her sorrow when truly neglected by her husband? Graciously, kindly and respectfully without contention. That can only be done without the presence of pride. The moment a man fights with his wife, pride is present. The husband who responds contentiously to an unkind or disrespectful wife is refusing to be treated poorly, which is the result of a belief that he is above that. Deep down in every relationship conflict is someone genuinely believing they are more important than the other person and that can ONLY be defined as PRIDE. Pride to be blamed even in a strained relationship where heated exchange of words isn’t present. The man or woman who won’t sit down at the table to honestly and humbly work it out is displaying pride by concluding the other person isn’t worthy their vulnerability. What are we when we won’t be vulnerable with and to another person but proud?
ONLY means only. When we contend with God, it’s because we’re proud and won’t submit to Him. When He contends with us, it’s because we’re proud and won’t submit to Him. When family members contend over an estate, greed is only the secondary cause – pride, or the belief that “I am more important than my brother or sister,†is the sin that fuels greed. Behind every contention in any relationship among men, someone thinks they are more important than another and that is none other than the grievous sin of pride. ONLY means only.
As bold and important as the first part of this proverb is, the second part can’t be overlooked or unattached. Just as pride brings contention, being “well-advised†brings wisdom. The two parts of the proverb are not unrelated in any way. Just as the specific wording in the first part of the proverb matters, so does the specific wording in the second part. Solomon did not write, “but with the advised is wisdom.†Anyone can be “advised†and that includes the proud. Proud people have no problem getting advice, especially when they can control who they get it from. Proud people refuse to change their position so they’ll go to sources they know will confirm and affirm their position. Proud people refuse to change their position so they’ll go to advisors that will reinforce their position with selective data and skewed lines of thinking. To be “well advised†is to get advice from people that know more than you. To be “well advised†is to listen to a “multitude of counselors.†To be “well advised†is to listen to both sides of any given position and to accept the truth wherever it lands. To be “well advised†requires humility. To listen to those who know more than you know and to those who know more than you know about the opposing argument requires humility. Humility brings wisdom and wisdom knows how to manage delicate relationship challenges.
This proverb exposes the ONLY cause behind contention and then reveals the ONLY path to avoiding contention. ONLY by pride cometh contention and ONLY by humility comes the wisdom necessary to avoid contention. If you have all of the answers, you’ll never be “well-advised†and if you’ll never be “well-advised,†you’ll never be wise and if you’ll never be wise, you’ll never be at peace with God. If you refuse to humble yourself and think more highly of others than of yourself, you’ll never be “well-advised†and if you’ll never be “well-advised,†you’ll never be wise and if you’ll never be wise, you’ll never be at peace with people. ONLY means only.
Posted in Proverbs Commentary
Posted in Solomon, pride, Proud, Humility, Contentions, fight, Relationship Difficulties, marriage, Parenting, Counseling, war, Conflict, Political Parties, Tension, Friendship
Posted in Solomon, pride, Proud, Humility, Contentions, fight, Relationship Difficulties, marriage, Parenting, Counseling, war, Conflict, Political Parties, Tension, Friendship
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