Proverbs 12:9

Proverbs 12:9 "He that is despised, and hath a servant, is better than he that honoureth himself, and lacketh bread."

While the ninth and eighth proverbs of this twelfth chapter are independent of each other, they were placed side by side because they both deal with the same human obsession – PRAISE.  The eighth proverb of this chapter teaches us how we calculate praise for one another, which is intended to motivate us to focus on wisdom and virtue.  This ninth proverb then teaches us to put praise in its proper place.  

It does matter what people think of us and in most cases, it should matter what people think of us.  Because we’re social creatures, we do care about what others think of us.  Because we’re relational beings, we should care about what others think of us.  Because we’re Christians, we must care about what others think of us.  We can claim that we don’t care what others think of us but deep down, we all do.  It’s an unavoidable part of the human soul and it is the reason we all crave praise.  For those hard-headed, tough-nosed souls who care little about what others think of them, they should care more than they do for the relational value.  If a man doesn’t care how his wife or children feel about him, he won’t be very considerate or kind.  If a woman doesn’t care how her co-workers or peers feel about her, she won’t be caring or thoughtful.  Christians in particular, need to care about what others think of them.  If an unbelieving community finds us repulsive or hypocritical, then it will never consider the gospel message we share.
 
We do care about what people think of us and we should care about what people think of us.  That being said, we need to put praise in its proper place.  Favor should mean something but it shouldn’t mean everything.  Praise should matter, especially if it’s coming from your spouse, children, parents or friends, but it shouldn’t matter that much.  Appreciation from an unbelieving community can be a positive sign for the gospel’s sake but it should not be the goal.  Doing anything for applause is a mistake.  When affirmation and praise are the driving force behind any action, that action will be unfulfilling and that soul will be disappointed.

This proverb teaches us that who we are is more important than who people think we are.  It teaches us that popularity is not the true barometer of success.  At any given time in our lives, people will not like us – regardless of our virtue or success.  In fact, many times people will despise us for our virtue or for our success.  A man that has a servant is often despised for that very reason.  The poor will despise the rich for having what they don’t have.  The lazy will despise the diligent for having the conveniences they don’t have and more importantly, for exposing the virtue that they lack.  At times, a spouse will despise his or her spouse for doing the right thing because that means losing out on something they want.  At times, an employee will despise his co-worker simply for following the company’s policy because it makes everyone else look bad.

The court of popular opinion has a jury full of skewed people.  We often dislike the successful because it shines a light on our failure.  Unfortunately, we typically only like the successful when their success benefits us some way.  We want our quarterback to make a lot of money and succeed on the field because it brings us happiness.  If our quarterback signs with a different team, we want him to lose his money and fail on the field.  This is why a quarterback has to put praise in its proper place.  A man’s greatest cheerleader can become his greatest critic in less than twenty-four hours.
 
It should matter what people think of you but it shouldn’t matter that much.  Whether people like it or not, get wisdom.  Whether people appreciate it or not, become virtuous.  Whether people approve or not, pursue and accept God’s greatest blessings.  Whether your peers are jealous or supportive of the things God has given you, use those things for His pleasure.  Whether your family members approve or disapprove of the people God has blessed you with, embrace those people for God’s glory.

Social media perfectly reveals the obsession we have with praise.  Today, millions will post selfies with the unrealized sole intention of getting the approval from as many people as possible.  Today, millions will post pictures of their homes unconsciously or consciously seeking the applause from as many people as possible.  Seeing digits next to a heart icon or a thumb’s up icon mean way too much to people.  This proverb is well illustrated on social media platforms where thousands scroll page after page secretly despising others for having successful relationships while they themselves are posting pictures of their smiling families with the hopes that people will praise them for being successful.  Sadly, behind so many of those selfies and poses the person seeking praise is without love, virtue and success.
 
It is truly better to be virtuous and despised than to be portraying yourself as praise-worthy while entirely void of virtue.  It is truly better to be blessed from above but disliked by some below than to be liked by hundreds of social media profiles but empty of God’s blessings.  Favor is something but it isn’t everything.  No one likes to be despised but in a world of selfish souls, the blessed and the virtuous will be despised by someone at some point.  Affirmation, when given for right reasons, means something but it can’t mean everything.  Put praise in its proper place.  Do right, seek God’s pleasures, enjoy His blessings and don’t put so much stock in how people feel about you.